Asking to Help

Have you ever seen the movie Pay it Forward? (Dare I admit that it’s one of my favorite movies). The underlying message that is behind that movie is powerful. I pride myself and live my life by the “pay it forward” or “give to get” philosophy. Now, here’s the thing – in order to be “ready to receive” (as my friend Kim says) or make “an ask” or call on a favor you would have already had your seeds planted – farmers know just when to harvest. If you harvest too soon then chances are that you won’t have the ripest fruit.

So you need to plant before you harvest or give before you get. One of the best forms of giving is asking to help, which prepares you for asking for help. Now, here’s the thing – you earn the right to ask to help only if you 1. Really mean it and 2. Want to help that person. In other words, be genuine.

I coined the term “power networking” about 5 years ago or so when I created a situation during networking events similar to the one minute dating concept. People line up facing one another holding their business cards in one hand in order to meet and greet with the other. It’s been loosely called “line dancing”. I would coach people on the most effective way to get the most value in the quickest amount of time. Ask the person how you can help as far as whom he or she would want to meet and, vice versa, be able to articulate concisely whom you are looking to meet. The challenge here is that if you both ask to help then there is no one to actually help!

I remember reading something that I have never forgotten – always be the last person to hang up the phone, especially when you had initiated the call. Subliminally it indicates to that person that you got what you wanted and then just left if you hang up first. It’s a powerful concept – try it sometime. Listen to the phone line click before you hang up. The only thing is this – when secrets of success like this get out it could cause a problem – no one would ever hang up the phone!

A specific example of giving to get came about 8-10 years ago or so. The online marketing agency that my identical twin brother and I ran was growing rapidly right before the dot com crash. At one point we were either looking to take the company public, be acquired or get outside venture capital.

Along came a prospective tenant for our building. He was a genius in my opinion (he accompanied me to my first nomination for Ernst & Young’s Entrepreneur of the Year awards dinner). In any event, he gave me a list of references to contact before we had him rent space from us. Low and behold I noticed a venture capitalist on his list. So I strategically called him first. After gathering the reference information that I needed, the person asked me if I could do him a favor. He said something like – I hear that you are extremely well connected and perhaps you can help my daughter get a job. I agreed right away and had her send me her resume. Not only did I give her feedback on it I sent it to some key people on Wall Street. He later said to me he was so impressed by the fact that I helped his daughter without asking for anything up front or in return. There were no strings attached.

Then, when the timing was right, my brother and I asked him for something back – investing in our company.

The point being, you become ready to receive only when you have planted the seeds of giving. Your return on your thoughtfulness, assistance and genuine helping will be more fruitful than any advertising dollar you can ever spend.

One wise entrepreneur once told me that although it is very important to have the right attorney and the right accountant (in owning your own business), the best investment you will ever make is being nice to people. I consider giving to get a strategic way of being nice.

Please feel free to post comments.

Suggested reading/watching

Pay it Forward (2000 Warner Bros.):

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Soul Proprietor: 100 Lessons from a Lifestyle Entrepreneur by Jane Pollak